Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
