Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
