She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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