we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Randomize
