Me. At least after what I've been through.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My vagina just recognized that song.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
