I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
