I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You've changed since you got that strap on
My butt remains clenched, sir.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
