Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
