He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
