All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
