I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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