i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
