The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have feelings that need drinking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
