Fine. I'll sleep in my office
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize