dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
