I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
