I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
