It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
