where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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