oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
