Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
