i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
