Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
