I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
