I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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