Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
