Acid is not a monday night drug
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
