Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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