my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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