why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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