If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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