Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
