so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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