remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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