i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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