Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I DEMAND FORESKIN
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
