Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
