Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
