I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
