I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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