I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
how does that bad decision feel?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
