the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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