my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
babies were throwing up all over the place
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize