can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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