I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
