you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
