she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dignity is for republicans.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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