We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
