I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
