i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There are leaves in my underwear?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
