I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
