i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
