yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
