eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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